I had all but lost my faith when I started making a serious effort to find it again. I quit making excuses about church, I started praying despite feeling so distant, and I started to read The Purpose Driven Life. I just wanted to feel connected again.
And eventually, in my reading, I realized a basic truth about myself:
God made me.
I mean, I’m not being cocky here, but seriously. He already knew all of the details, and chose to create me-Because something about my being is necessary for this world. Despite the obstacles in my life, the mistakes I’ve made, and the people I’ve hurt: I’m still needed. I’m not useless.
Actually, I’m so far from useless, that the creator of the world declared me loved, and needed.
And the same is true for Every. Single. One. Of. Us.
But it really sank in for me. I was always trying to follow God because it was what I was supposed to do. I never realized that he chose me and that I had bigger things planned for my life than to live and die.
I’ve definitely felt shame for who I am. I’m kind of loud, sometimes I’m really shy, I’m not skinny enough, not pretty enough. I have anxiety. I worry a lot about things that shouldn’t phase me. Sometimes I get depressed. I’m not always the best wife. I’m not always the best friend. I’m not always the best Mom, best housekeeper, best cook, the list goes ON.
I’m never perfect.
But I know God’s intention for me was never “perfection”. He did not create us to be perfect, he created us to be masterpieces, all working together for his plan.
We can beat ourselves up all we want for not living up to our own expectations, but if we live for God, we’re serving our purpose in this crazy world.
So I’ve been going through this phase of kinda wholeheartedly embracing the “disaster” that is me. And it is SO freeing to live for God instead of myself! 👌🏼